Monday, May 2, 2011

Everything We Do, We Do It For @wagaodongo

The past week has been a bit easier to handle, but I still can't for the life of me find time to write the pieces stuck in my mind. Too much work, too much pressure from the Varsity as I get down to clearing...but you really don't care about that, do you? So I present you yet another Guest post. Here's what The Wag has to say about Bryan Adams' "Everything I do, I do it for You..."

Click the Pic to see the GIF

Ladies and gentlemen - perhaps gentlemen is too much of a euphemism due to the subject matter today. Firstly if the motion is to bear any truth, you must admit that my reasons for writing this is article are of a licentious nature. My apologies to the prudes. My underlying goal and purpose of writing this article is therefore clear and basic, and you must admit that if my motives were to get a bit of action, this is a long-winded and cumbersome method of doing it. Perhaps I should just whip out the wallet and use pecuniary persuasions on a lady of easy virtue to achieve my ends - but why most men don’t do that is an all together different story that I shall get into later when I am feeling particularly garrulous.

I shall not be a shrinking violet and state it as it is.

So I am glad you are all reading this, especially the women, therefore. If at any point you are won over by the brilliant points or my mercurial wit and proceed to ‘like’ this magisterial article, grab your coat darling because you have pulled! No sooner will you like the article than I will send you an message pap!

The truth is everything men do, they do to get laid, sadly though this is not always the case, the yearning to get laid is not always conscious and it drives us ineluctably and inescapably until death.

If we are Darwinian creatures then the effects of natural selection apply not only to our bodies but our behaviour. The imperative of reproductive success shapes our actions and behaviour just like all other animals.

Sex is universally variable its nuances, inclination, passions- some may call them perversions. It is an act marked by its diversity and its ubiquity.

Women are the gate keepers of desire, the onslaught of predatory men, who want to sleep women is nearly infinite and it is the goal of women to whittle that number, to throw out the chaff, and remain with two men she would regularly have sex with- not at the same time of course.

Imagine a world where men could sleep with anyone they wanted. (To be honest I wouldn't be typing this I would be queuing outside Nicki Minaj's (in front of Frank of course) house for another round along with the rest of mankind.)

In such a society nothing would ever happen. Because we would never stop having sex. Ok we would but when we stop we would eat, and then have more sex. The concept of sex is closely and intricately tied in with Female choice. Why work, steal; fight when you can shag whomever you want?

If men could have sex with any woman at any time there would be no civilization, no art, no music and no society.

A woman is the only person who can predict the future; a woman can get up on any day and say to her, “today I will get laid.” And she will achieve it. Men will say the same thing and unless they are in a long term relationship will find that they come hopelessly short.

Thankfully nowadays due to feminism and Alcohol, Women are less vigilant gatekeepers than they were which is a very good thing, if you are of a vulpine disposition as most men are. Some women are less vigilant gatekeepers than other preferring to leave the gate wide open which admission being a pack of chocolates.

Women decide when and where and with whom they have sex. (Unless you leave in Kiambu of course where men in panga's "come and go" as they please more of the former than the latter I am assured.) Women have more investment when it comes to sex, their involvement is potentially 9 months , men's involvement is potentially two minutes- nine if you are lucky, so that is why women must be sure of a mates suitability before committing herself potentially for the nine months.

The science behind the claim to evolutionary yearning for sex is almost conclusive. The reason many people claim that is untrue is because it doesn’t bathe us in good light, and paints us as less hairy apes, and not the advanced hominids we pretend to be. It shows us as victims of our genes and biology and not masters of our destiny as we often pretend we are. It is mechanistic, and reductionist, it turns man into beast, but you know what it is absolutely irrefutable. Men do not have mating seasons because we were not designed to have mating seasons.

I am twenty one so naturally I am consumed by the notion of sexual intercourse, it is the first thing on my mind as I wake up in my bedsitter and the last thing as I go to bed – alone sadly mind you- at night.

Men will do anything to have sex, I know of this bloke sad fellow who was Luo and dating this Kikuyu girl, he had convinced her that indeed he was a Kikuyu himself, for purposes of advancement. Things went along smoothly until, places reached where alliances had to be formed and collective futures involving hearths and foot rugs had to be made. I pointed out to him that when push comes to shove, she would be presented with evidence contradicted his initial assertion of his ancestral heritage.
Ask yourself why do Hamas bombers blow themselves up? What do their handlers use as the clincher in the contract? It’s those virgins isn’t it? That whole we hate Israel bit is just a footnote. Men will do anything to get laid even kill themselves while they are at it.

Men can replicate their genes successfully 720 times a year, women can only do that once. Knowing this fact means that men’s behaviour has become explicit and easily explainable.

The notion of romantic love is beautiful; it helps tell ourselves that we are not at the mercy of our evolutionary forces. Love is civility, taming beasts. It is the crutch we all cleave to and pretend that it is all fine and that we are amicable. But love is a feeling that makes one imagine that one woman is better than all others as one man says. 

The truth is love is a very good guise when you are trying to pull a woman. It sounds like you have transcended your limbic system that it is a conscious decision of your own choice.

“No darling, you are the only one; there are no others that matter. You are special, we will be together forever. This is a spiritual union, not a physical act...”
“Well okay that’s a lovely thing to say Tiger…”

Men are driven to get money and possessions and status because it is only money and possession and status that makes them attractive to women. More money and power, means more women and better women will shag us, it gives you sexual access to as many fertile women as possible. Yes it is to swive peoples wives.

The sad reality is that women often say no to sexual advances by Men, in my case the answer is almost always no.

For sex men conquer foreign lands, compose symphonies, author books, become president of the USA to get a blowjob in the oval office and some saddoes even write first person autodidact columns in The Nation at the age of 21 when clearly should be more interested in football- oh.

The science bit, bear with me, all of us are descended from men who had very high reproductive success with women. People like Kings and alpha males and their genes are overly represented in society. Men in power like this tend to keep as many women as possible. You cannot descend from an exclusive homosexual coupling- obviously that is why most men tend towards getting as many women as possible.
The best proof that men do all they can for sex is there to see when a man gets married. Steady supply of sex sort of deadens his drive, and he stops trying and becomes a fat git. All man's greatest achievements have been done by bachelors- who seek to impress women. The reason why men also lose interest in their wives is because after marriage you have succeeded in monopolizing her whole reproductive cycle until death, so really there is no point of bothering with her.

So I say it without equivocation, everything men do is for sex and I know many men in committed relationships would vehemently disagree with my proposition due to social and economically imposed constraints created by the artificial construct that is love, but you know I am right.


  1. Naaaa dude!as believable as u mek it luk,u knw its bull!smetimes,its much mo than the physical!grantd we have men who dog coz they want sex!bt those are culturaly unskuld people!n in much the same way culture shapes marriage,relationships n love,negative culture shapes wat ua article jus describd!
    gud articulation tho dude!its a brilliant piece!

  2. Agreed. SOMEtimes it's more than just the physique & biology that equate to a male female chemistry. But any man would be lying if he said that he was not at all interested in a woman's physique, or that he was in love with her mind. Sure he could be, but fact is that on any day if you gave a dude 2 choices, a mamma who looked good, reasoned good and could bed good, and another who had one of the three (the only one that is not physical) you'd essentially have chosen for him. Period. Brilliant piece anyways


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