RULEBOOK OF A PLAYER III by Theo McCheatskin

Post is as appears on Theodore Onyango's FB note: RULEBOOK OF A PLAYER III

Fact: Women like to be treated like @$$-ets.

Fixed A$$-ets

The more possessive you are, the more attracted she becomes.

'Idaho'

‘I am not a whore’ is exactly what a whore keeps saying.

We’ve just met, an hour later we’re in the backseat of my pal’s ride (I’m a penniless bastard; if you didn’t know, now you know). So yeah, I get her in the nude then prior to me checking in for her flight, she stops me and says: “Thedd, I usually don’t do this.”

I’m like: “Yeah, I know, me neither.” But my mind’s like: ‘So, am guessing today is your birthday, right? Besides, I don’t refer to them as *wh0res*, I think that’s distasteful.

I prefer to think of them as *women of unproblematic morals*. But what the heck, she doesn’t need to be told that, lest I throw a monkey wrench in the works of my getting some nookie.

Parking Lot Pimping

Be a pig.

If she ever had this thought cross her mind: “If I asked him to come over and [blip] me, despite my being his best-friend’s girl would he?”, then the little voice in her mind should always have this as her response: “ Oh, yeah, he would so knock my @$$ the fuck out.”

Unpredictability.

Be predictable. Let it be how you react to every bloody thing. That way she’ll think she’s got you all figured out. See, they like something they can control. Something they can manipulate emotionally up to that instant that they get what they hanker after. Plus, depending on how well you play this role, she will pull the wool over her eyes – believe that she knows you, that way she’ll make it easier a task for you to ‘KNOW’ her. (Biblical readers, you know what I’m talking about.)

Playlist.

Have three women rotating on the playlist at any given time; and like a good Media Player, make sure to click on shuffle and continuous play. Thou shalt never, under any circumstance, pursue just one skirt-wearer. Women like the chase, it's like sport of some sort. Beats logic, if you ask me. But then again we’ve always acknowledged the feminine species for its malnourished brain cells and crippled level of intellect.

Strike-out?

If you start a chase, then beyond evenhanded doubt you want to get caught. Otherwise you wouldn’t have initiated the hunt altogether. Show her you like her and do all the shit that comes with it then the second she starts to pull away in a manner to beckon you like a cart-driver dangling a carrot right in front of a donkey in a bid to make it tray harder, shift your attention to girl number two.

If she likes you, trust me, girl number one will wake up from her fairytale and lay down her own trap and get trapped in it awaiting your rescue.All girls have issues. The hotter she is. The more shitload the issues. Intellectual midgets so to speak: their minds never work, the emotions always steer every aspect of their lives. Expect an argument, maybe you are in bed having sex and she says: “Why the fuck do you have to last so long? You know tomorrow I have to go to work. What? You want to break my back? What’s wrong with you?”

Or she finds you in the loo: “Why do you always have to pee on the toilet seat, can’t you just pee while seated? Mscheeew!!” You never see it coming. So, expect whatever, whenever. Solution: Always expect and accept fault. Even when you don’t know the accusation, plead guilty in advance. But this is after a heated argument, because she never likes to feel like victory was handed down to her {same way they want to be awarded posts based solely on merit but still they pull the ‘woman card’ and equality BS Britney Spears}

Women love filth.

You just have to be intelligent though on how you let the filth escape you. In little doses is most advisable. And to start off as if you are brushing on it casually, if her ears prick up and she shows the slightest level of interest ride the ship to the very end. Tell her all the shit you can think of, that could help get her in the mood… If she doesn’t warm up to the filth on your first try, let it slip and make a joke about it then move on. If you venture past this point, she will get grossed out and that’s a negative point on your score sheet.

Be certain never to be uncertain.

If you say you’ll do something, do it. Nothing makes a woman wetter than the thought of knowing that you’ll be there 24/7 to have her back (Okay, homos, we’re not talking about that… But fellas if she wants that and she can depend on you to pull through with it, that’s a bonus on your part.)You shut the door behind her.

You put your hand on her thigh; she frontin’?! What? She thought you’d brought her over to your room to do what? Play kattii or see who can pee the farthest? It’s business baby, it’s nothing personal. You gotta get her to understand that. If she leaves that room and you don’t make an impression then best-believe you won’t be leaving a mark on/in her.

Women like to think they made you work for it and that she wasn’t that easy. Your Sunday school teacher must’ have taught you that come on now!!! You start to make out and she feels on you. You slip your hands into her drawers, she moans and whispers in your ear all this shit she wants you to do to her. Then somehow her conscience kicks in and she says: ‘Not today’. WTF? Why the hell did you have to get undressed in the first place? You need a proper ass-whooping. What is this? Ballet and you came for auditions?!

Never apologize.

Act like you are but never even for a second open your dumb mouth and say: ‘I’m sorry’ This will make you a sissy. Even when doing something then you realize halfway that it’s the wrong thing, go down with pride, stick by your first move, don’t you dare regress or retrace your steps. Spoil her later on, do something nice but please please for the love of playerhood, apologize not!!