Relationship 101s [Part II]: Taking Pussy Blogging Offline

I’ll admit that there was a time when Mika’s track Toy Boy was a favourite on my playlist. I'd sing along as he told of being ‘a windup toy in an up down world,’ wallow in self-deprecation as he cried ‘toys are not sentimental,’ asking ‘how could I be for rental,’ before going full-on mental bawling how ‘she’s the meanest hag that has ever been, pulled out my insides with an old safety pin.’

Now, however, I take my formative years in pussy woose manhood, as far as relationships are concerned, as a purple heart - though black and blue could be a more appropriate colour - from the Iraqi insurgent minefield that is the dating world.

Allow me to paraphrase a conversation I had on Facebook recently regarding being the nice guy to women.

First woman: I want to have a nice close male friend without him having to feel that I am using him just because I am not sleeping with him. Do men have to be so sex-centered as to complain about genuine platonic friendship just because they are not getting sex out of it? Nice guy, my foot!

Second woman: I disagree with the spirit in which this article is written; I can't derive enough from it except the usual jibber jabber. If someone is going to be a friend, BE a friend. Don't expect any medals and trophies because you are a 'friendly guy.' Be human first and foremost. A lot of friendships are not always beneficial to our needs and to our 'peace of mind' , so we cut them off and look for other friendships, not stick around hoping to be given an applause for sticking in the wrong friendship for waaay longer than you should have.

Present me: Speaking as a 'former nice guy,' I'll throw a small spanner into the works. First off, I agree with both of you; now to my addendum. For heterosexuals, a male-female friendship differs greatly from a [fe]male-[fe]male one. The key difference, I suppose, is that the guy's shoulder to lean on (or chic's, if the roles reverse) has the tendency to be misused. This is especially true in cases where the guy/chic hits on the chic/guy, takes her/his rejection on the chin like a boss and cultivates a friendship because he/she was brave enough to take the bold step asking, and is mature enough to look past rejection and see the worth, the value, in the other person. Or is simply deluded/ lame enough to take the rejection as a 'maybe later...'

Now, if, or when, the guy/chic watches as the chic/guy goes through one bad boy/girl after another, after the next, ad nauseum ad infinitum, is the natural feeling not to feel resentment of her/his annoying lack of better judgement? Is it not fair, for them, to compare their sticking by this friend through it all, through all of the friend's flings, and find himself/herself a more worthy object of her/his affection?

And more so when she/he turns around, and, to his/her face says, 'Haki nyinyi wanaume/ wanawake... I'm done with you all.' Would such a reaction be justifiable then?

Second woman: You know what? I agree with you absolutely! I have come across such people as well and as much as we were unwilling participants in their stupidity we experienced it. Mine was just to point out that getting disappointed and feeling resentment as a result of being rejected is a normal human experience. Everyone goes through them; singling oneself out as the 'good guy' because you think you experience it more than usual is shallow to say the least. Case in point, the rant in that article.

*Ps: the ranting guy comes off more misogynistic than your 'usual guy'...

Present me: So your 'usual guy' isn't free of misogyny, just less of a chauvinist, aye Second woman? And here I thought I could prance along feeling bigger than the next guy because I care about women in general. On the real, though, I get where you're both coming from with the responses. I read the piece and it connected with good ol' guy Freddy, so I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that I did not enjoy it. Rereading it through your eyes, though, I'll be the first to admit that kaleidoscopes count for a lot. I viewed it through the prisms of past 'friend-zones' gone corrupt, you viewed it through those of male chauvinism meets hypocrisy. Lesson well-learned. And one that I cannot, still, promise not to unlearn. O, what numbers you women have done to this wretched soul!

First woman: Actually, I think the nice guy is a pussy. He doesn't have enough balls to ask her out, so he hangs around for years, whining to everyone but her, that she won’t give him a chance. I mean, if she is really misusing him and taking advantage of him and he seems to be that convinced of this, why doesn't he walk away? I'm sorry... But he is a dumb pussy at that!

Present me: Speaking as a former - I hope – pussy, I'll say this much. At first you say nothing because you're afraid you'll lose the friendship. Which is precisely why a pussy does not walk away (that, and coz unlike a dick, it has no legs either.) So it sits and watches as the candle that is its 'love' try to cook the food that is her affections for it.

However, when it later learns to quit being - for lack of a better expression - such a big pussy, it starts actually saying something when it likes a woman, and becomes only a small pussy when, after the rejection, it still hangs around and hopes for better luck later. Then finally it becomes a small dick, trying to copy the dudes with the big cajones (that bit is very true we do copy you insensitive pricks out there.) Eventually it becomes a bit of a she-male; a macho man with a big dick prone to moments of (pussiness?)

Because when it finds the one that matters, it still can't walk away; no matter how hard it wants to shove her away.

Second woman: J J She-male!

First woman: Btw, just so you know, I did like the article. You posted two so I am not even sure I am commenting on the right one. Lol… I am sorry for you and what you've had to go through. To be honest, I am not that sorry, but I empathize with the nice guy. So, I will avoid making it personally about you.

Is it that the nice guy has such a low sense of self worth or is it that nothing else (and by nothing, I mean NOTHING) is going on in his life? "Because when it finds the one
that matters, it still can't walk away…"

What do you do when the person you love won't and will never love you back? Is it worth staying? Is it worth committing to failing endeavours? Or is this just another case of deliberate self harm?

Present me: Part of the brilliance that comes with a pussy's past, in perspective, is a thick hide. There, no catching a feeling in my role as ex-pussy, because as one might imagine, a feeling was thrown at my 'past projects' and like a boomerang, sucker-punched me in the nose. Still haven't learnt to catch a feeling thrown or so perceived yet, so feel free to dig into me. Empathizing with a pussy...let me stop that analogy while it's still politically correct.

On my favourite subject of wrist-cutting masquerading as unconditional love, I'll say this much. Yes, the guy's self-esteem is for shit. It's blind, assumes that to really be seen, it cannot be seen through the guy's eyes, but through hers. Something usually is going on in this pussy's life, it just chooses to prioritize being poked by her over the 99 other problems it has to swallow (ok, those two I couldn't avoid.) And when the pussy learns, I mean truly realises, that its pursuit for 'the one that matters' is futile, she becomes the one that got away, and, at least in this she-male's case, remains truly good friends with her. Again, in true pussy fashion, only if she so chooses!

CONCLUSION

Here's what I think about the idea that guys who "catch feelings" are any less manly than the other guy:

First off, who came up with this expression 'to catch feelings?' What were they thinking? How exactly are said feelings thrown for them to be caught? Do they boomerang when not caught and "return to sender?" Is there some sorta Major League Feelings out there, and if so, do said feelings get thrown as a curveball or just straight up sucker punch you in the gut?

While it may seem woosy to 'take things too seriously' or, heaven's forbid, overreact to a situation, a lesson in History will remind us that perhaps we're looking at it the wrong way. The Trojan War, from whence the brilliant idea to infect your computer with seemingly friendly gifts that explode on impact [Trojan Horses] came, began due to an overreaction. Men perished in droves because two men caught feelings over Hellen of Troy. And on the matter of holding grudges, it was once considered rather bold to hold a grudge... see Mau Mau war and Spartacus. So technically, dear wooses, you're in good company.

Grudges, however, are rather mundane and juvenile. To quote William Blake: