I am in no way averse to the hardworking miss mboch [1], especially since I have a few fond memories of some past said missus from my younger days. And no, none of them include fondling, so you can wipe that knowing grin off your face...there's no for njaroz za mamboch [2] here!
Back to serious bizniz, however, this is one dance I will have to ask miss mboch to sit out. Picture Eminem slipping his thendecks [3] out and going 'may the real miss mboch, please sit down!' Because this class of worker, sadly, is not the working class I refer to, unless of course she's an au pair earning €1,000 that she does not need to spend, in which case she quite simply does not exist.
You see chivalry is dead, and women killed it. What...don't believe me? Try Kelly Clarkson's and Ne-Yo's Miss Independent on for size then, mix it up with a little of Beyonce's Irreplaceable, then colour code it with the P*$$¥ Cat Dolls' I don' need a man. Crystal? Enyewe if you still don' get then that's yours.
I actually applaud PCD
Now of course you may bring out your macho placards and scream bloody murder to high heaven at my assertion that I like a woman that deals with her bill. That's yours. What you do with your women now can hardly compare to that time you had to beg yo boy to spot you like a kei [7] for that ka-lunch date; and don try going "ah, wasn' me". Well, unless you spring off a union of moneybagzes, in which case - sawa bauss. Uko yuu [8].
But more to the point, I know I enjoy dating the working class mamma - for the most part. However, the reality is that if you don't have any cash, you have no business dating any woman. Hold your horses as I explain. See you'll meet this woman. That's Step 1, the easy part, coz you probably din plan Step 1. It just happened, hence you din plan to spend on her. But for Step 2 you'll need a meeting point, and may decide to meet again. This, my good peeps, is the sh!t that never just happens.

The mamacita that'll pay the bills when things are thick yet give you little to no related or unrelated drama is rather rare , so you'll understand my initial skepticism at the thought of her doing it all, so to speak. I even recall having to walk a mile in the dead of night looking for a moneypoint this one night. We fika this joint in the West, and she's been more than sufficiently philanthropic all night long. Woe unto me when Lord Butler decides that chicas ain paying, but niccuhs have to donate a few coins. No way I was going to let her lipa coins for me entrance! So Monsieur Ego kicks me in the jugulars, and that's how I ended up going 'back out' for a smoke. By the time the smoke was over, I was back with enough coins to sponsor a rao at the very least. Thank God I live in Kenya, the land of MPesa [9].
So it's clear that being Mike Sonko on the day will go a long way in helping you carry it - the day, and her - the njuithez [10]. It's a formality, the spending bit of courting; so if you haven't yet, then it's a bout heiffering time you dealt with it. Depending on your campaign policy, campaign budget, charismatic eloquence to tag her and her crowd along - not necessarily in that order of diminishing respect - and factoring in her general lack of good taste in actually liking what you spew forth, I'd say by Step 3 you might just be on the home run. Your home; another expense. So see what I mean?


Kenyan jargonsez for dummies :)
[1] Miss mboch - an Au pair, so to speak
[2] Njaroz za mamboch - basically refers to flirting and/or "exploring the Au Pair's sexuality"
[3] Thendecks - the rear end
[4] Huwes lipa - you can't pay
[5] Raoz on Furahi Day - Rounds [of beer] on Friday. Furahi is swahili for 'Happy', and sounds like 'Fri' in Friday, hence the usage of the term Furahi Day
[6] Vodoski - Vodka
[7] A kei - 1 thousand Kenya Shillings
[8] Sawa bauss. Uko yuu - Ok. You got game
[9] Mpesa - A world-pioneering Kenyan Service for Mobile Banking.
[10] Njuithez - Slang for woman in some part of Kenya; or maybe just in my head. Comes from the word 'Juices' with a bit of 'mother tongue influence'
awesome stuff as usual.. But point of clarification the bugatti veryon is at the VW 40km track in Germany but point taken indeed.
ReplyDeleteCheers mate. I was only equating the greatest ride I'v set my eyes on (virtually) to the greatest track I intend to set my foot on.
ReplyDeleteThanx for the clarification lakini.
i don mind chipping in,i gladly wil. But i also need 'u' to treat 'me' like a queen once in a while......
ReplyDeleteWell. No question bout that-'I' will. Jus not goin out of my way to do it though
ReplyDeleteu just have to love that ride 2.2 million pounds!!!
ReplyDeleteYey man. Ni mapenzi ya mbali. No way u can even dream of makn it official. Jus perhaps a quickie with the Bugatti...MPANGO wa kaydow vybz
ReplyDeleteDelectable!
ReplyDeleteI am the kind of lady who will foot the bill and not cause drama...if I am sure that your ego will not be mopping the floor by the end of it all. But then, knowing the male ego...
Ha ha ha! We try to act like we enjoy being treated 'equally', but something about the male DNA Structure simply Does Not Accept it :-D
ReplyDeleteBut kudos to you. It does make things a lil more unpredictable, coz dating a mamma that lipaz bills randomly, you can't quite tell whether your ego will be doing backflips or trying to knock you out with karate chops to the throat :D